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« French Spirits - An Overview | Main | How My Job Is Becoming Your Job »
Saturday
Jan262013

GlenGarioch Glen Rothes - A Play

SCENE ONE - A Booth at a Chinese Restaurant, MacWilliams and McLevinson are seated at the booth.

McLEVINSON: John, John, John. Okay. John. (pause) The GlenGarioch stocks, you're using them to keep the standard edition up to snuff. I get it. We all know what it is. All I'm saying is...you look at the product. We're throwing....wait, wait, wait, we're throwing it away on that stuff. We're throwing it away. All that I'm saying is that we're wasting mature stock. I don't want to tell you how to do your job. However, we're out of whisky right now and I don't see the point in using the last of our quality shit just to keep the entry level expression alive.

McWILLIAMS: Shelly, you blew the last...

McLEVINSON: No. John. No. Let's back up here a second. I did...will you please? Please, I didn't "blow" them out. I bottled some outstanding single cask whiskies for specialty retailers in the UK and in the states. No one "blew" any of our older stocks on anything. These casks were fantastic and they....

McWILLIAMS: You didn't use...

McLEVINSON: I, if you'd listen to me. Please. I used those casks. I got us some serious play with the enthusiast community and it's helping our reputation! Those whiskies got great scores. I didn't know we needed those casks for the big deal with Diageo. If I would have....

McWILLIAMS: Shelly...

McLEVINSON: ...and what is that, John? What? Bad luck. That's all it is. I pray in your life you will never find it runs in streaks. That's what it does. That's all it's doing. Streaks. I pray it misses you. That's all I'm saying.

McWILLIAMS: What about the other two?

McLEVINSON: What two?

McWILLIAMS: Four. You had four casks. One bottled for K&L. One for the Whisky Exchange. You say...

McLEVINSON: ...you want to see the invoices? John? Eh? You want to go up...

McWILLIAMS: ...no...

McLEVINSON: ...do you want to go upstairs to accounting...?

McWILLIAMS: ...no...

McLEVINSON: ...then...

McWILLIAMS: ...I only...

McLEVINSON: ...then what is this "you say" shit, what is that? (pause) What is that?

McWILLIAMS: All that I'm saying...

McLEVINSON: What is this "you say"? I made the wrong deal, I look like the jerk. Shit, McWilliams, look at the numbers. The gross profit. Your brand is bringing the company big money, sure. Look at which brands were big in 2005. 2006. 2007...who's brand is up there?

McWILLIAMS: Romain's.

McLEVINSON: And right behind his?

McWILLIAMS: MacAllister's.

McLEVINSON: Bullshit, John. Bullshit. April of 2005. It's my brand. Highland's Celtic Blended Scotch. It isn't MacAllister's brand, that lousy Morning's Dew crap. Due respect, he's an old time brand guy. He doesn't get the new market place. Single barrels and cask strength. Look at the numbers though. It's my brand that carried this company.

McWILLIAMS: Not lately it isn't.

McLEVINSON: Lately kiss my ass lately. That isn't how you cater to today's whisky connoisseur...talk to Ian. Talk to Shane. When we were driving down from Pitlochry, who paid for his fucking car? You talk to him. The Mercedes...? He came in, "You bought that for me Shelly." Out of what? Single barrel expressions. Limited releases! Practically nothing but small sales that turned into serious dough. Ninety-five, when we were there at the Glen Rothes distillery and I got them to sell us fifty casks. What was that? Luck? That was luck? Bullshit, John. You're burning my ass, I can't bring in any profit for this company. You think that was luck? Those profit numbers? The result of good-tasting barrels that I hand picked from that warehouse? Bullshit. It wasn't luck. It was skill. You want to throw that away...John? You want to throw that away?

McWILLIAMS: It wasn't me....

McLEVINSON: It isn't you? Who is it? Who is this I'm talking to? I need those casks.....

McWILLIAMS: ...after the thirtieth...

McLEVINSON: Bullshit, the thirtieth. If I don't make a sale before then they're going to can my ass. I need those casks. We've got hardly any whisky left! This shortage is gutting the independent bottling business and I'm the only one who knows how to use those barrels. I need them, or I'm gone. And you're going to miss me, John.

McWILLIAMS: Ian...

McLEVINSON: ...you talk to Ian...

McWILLIAMS: I have. And my job is to marshal those casks....

McLEVINSON: Marshal the casks...marshal the casks? What the fuck, what bus did you just get off of, we're here to fucking sell! Marshal the casks. Holding on to those barrels to continue creating some stupid blend is crazy! I could bring those barrels to Hong Kong and we'd triple our money in no time! Marshal the barrels. Where did you learn that? In school? (pause) That's "talk," my friend.

END SCENE (for now)

You can honestly just read through an old David Mamet play and make it work with today's whisky environment. What will happen next in the exhilerating GlenGarioch Glen Rothes?

-David Driscoll