Opposite Day (or How Not to Get Pappy)

In brief, here is my advise to help you get a bottle of Pappy this year from your local retailer. It's more of a list of what not to do, however, rather than what you should do.

"I'm a really good customer."

No you're not. You know why? Because "really good customers" don't tell people they're "really good customers." "Really good customers" don't ever have to tell people they're "really good customers." They just are. AND your local retailers already know who the "really good customers" are. Trust me, if you have to tell your local retailer you're a "really good customer" then you're not.

"I spend a lot of money here."

Everything is relative. What seems like a lot of money to you isn't to someone else. I, personally, do not believe in plutocracy, hence why we don't just give our K&L allocation of Pappy to the people who spend the most money with us. We do a raffle to keep everything fair and give people who spend more moderate sums of money—but who are loyal shoppers nonetheless—the chance to also enjoy the finer things in life. HOWEVER, if you have to tell your local retailer you "spend a lot of money here," well.....see my point about being a "really good customer." Did you spend $197,000 here in one hour last weekend? No? Because that's what a guy from Hong Kong did. Seriously. And he never once had to tell me he was spending "a lot of money."

"I hear you guys do a raffle. How do I enter?"

Here's the thing: we do a raffle at K&L, but it's not like we're just throwing names into a hat and blindly picking people. You still have to meet a few important criteria (which we will not be divulging to you). If you have to ask your retailer about the raffle, then your chances of winning are probably zero. The people who have been shopping at these stores for years already understand how these raffles work, so they're not asking. By asking, you're giving yourself away as someone who hasn't shopped there for very long. For example, if you just found out via this blog that K&L does a raffle, then you have no chance of winning. You have to have been a part of our insider whisky list for sometime to qualify for any limited edition raffle bottles. I can promise you that other stores are doing the same thing. It would be completely stupid to give your most-prized possessions away to completely random shoppers who may or may not ever come back again. New shoppers do sometimes win, but never customers without a solid order history.

"I got a bottle of Pappy last year and would love to get one again."

If you got one last year, then I'm definitely going to give it to someone new this year (who didn't get one last year and might never have been able to get one previously). You might want to keep that bit of information to yourself.

"Hi, I was wondering if the Pappy is here yet?"

The more you call, email, or ask, the more annoyed each store will get. Having a retailer loath your existence will definitely not help you get a bottle of Pappy.

Bottom line: actions speak louder than words. Just be a cool dude and don't constantly try to prove yourself through words. I find that people who tell me they're smart are usually pretty stupid. In fact, usually when people feel the need to tell me something about themselves, the opposite is usually true. Trying to bully your way into a bottle of Pappy with bravado is going to get you nowhere.

Just play it cool.

-David Driscoll